The State of Marriage: Sorrow and Hope

Both my wife and I have been married previously; the experience of divorce has taught us why God’s roles for men and women are superior to those of the world’s fancies. Through heartache and turmoil, we have learned why the Lord’s design for marriage is far better than men’s tainted versions. We are blessed to have come to this understanding.

Yet, I have deep sorrow for young people in our society. Most will never understand God’s created roles for gender and His designs for marriage. The world has turned the responsibilities of men and women upside down, only to provide alternatives that lead to dysfunction. But make no mistake, Satan has targeted marriage from the beginning, as evidenced by the sin of Adam and Eve.

The enemy has designed plans to dismantle marriage and God-given roles, yet many are subtle and play into day-to-day habits and aspirations. In our culture, even true-believers have been influenced by the world’s ideologies and philosophies regarding marriage. In this blog, I will not discuss the feminist movement, abortion, or the birth control pill, but I will touch ever so briefly on the “innocent things” that seem harmless but in fact work against the Word of God.

Disney Princesses and Independence

As with many things, gender roles have been defined through media consumption. In Western culture, Hollywood has generally indoctrinated girls with ideas that are opposed to providing help or assistance to a husband.  It starts at an early age.

Consequently, the God-given role of a wife is not highly regarded, and hardships in marriage (financial, health, etc.) are shunned. The culture has nurtured a reality in which female expectations are those of Disney princesses. The fairytale of marriage is anticipated on wedding days, but the probabilities of “worse” in “for better or for worse” are disregarded. It should be no surprise that women initiate 70% of divorces in our society.

Beyond distorted views of marriage, young women are encouraged to pursue their self-worth through careers. To many, identity is placed in vocation outside of the home.  Being a wife or mother may fall somewhere below aspirations to please a boss or progress up the corporate ladder. In numerous cases, marriage and children are not a priority because they compete with career goals. Yet the culture promotes the idea that this mindset is an evolution toward a better society, with women contributing more to the economy. The statistics bear witness to this fact. For instance, Morgan Stanley, a premier wealth advisory firm, states, “based on Census Bureau historical data and Morgan Stanley forecasts, 45% of prime working age women (ages 25-44) will be single by 2030—the largest share in history—up from 41% in 2018."

Unfortunately, the role of wife has been targeted in a melee of attacks. The world has exacerbated the curse of Adam and Eve’s sin. Specifically, it is a fallen nature to abort recognition of a husband’s leadership in marriage.  As articulated in Genesis 3:16, the woman’s desire, as a result of the curse, is to usurp her husband's authority. Our economic, entertainment, and educational systems support this fallen human propensity.

Video Games and Forfeiture of Leadership

While girls have consumed Disney princesses as role models, boys have been engulfed by literal video games. At first glance, this statement seems rather ridiculous, but it is a strange reality. Today, men of all ages will do anything to spend hours playing online.  In an effort to avoid responsibility, many believe it is much easier to lose themselves in a virtual playground. Escapism has become the goal.

With respect to relinquishing leadership, the male gender has found itself in a curious situation where society is attempting to strip it of all respect. In response, some men have just thrown up their hands, saying, “I quit.”  Like Adam, the male gender has abdicated responsibility.

Furthermore, the modern male has been feminized by the cultural pressures. Boys are not encouraged to be the spiritual leaders and protectors that God intended them to be.  On the other end of the spectrum, we see those who seek a resurgence of masculinity attempt to objectify females sexually. This has become a recent ploy to re-establish male leadership, an approach that is obviously not biblical.  It seems society can only relate to extreme measures that bring forth suffering.

God’s Design for Marriage is a Thing of Beauty

Reflecting on God’s design for marriage, we can hardly imagine the beauty that was displayed in the Garden of Eden before man’s fall. But much of Western Civilization comprehended the fundamentals until 60-70 years ago. This was due to a belief in Judeo-Christian values. Even in our sinful world, the West saw a glimmer of God’s intentions.

The submission, love, and respect we see in the design are bestowed by Elohim, our God, who is three Persons, yet One. The Lord's picture of marriage is one of harmony. This union far exceeds Disney princesses and failed leadership. In Ephesians 5:22-30, the Apostle Paul gives us the model for Christian marriage. He states,

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body."

Hope for Future Generations

By God's grace, there is hope. A remnant desires and understands the blessing of God's design for marriage. Several years ago, during a conversation at church, I asked a 16-year-old girl what she would like to be when she became an adult. Her response shocked me. She replied, “A mother.”  I was expecting a response that included career aspirations outside of the home. While it is not in God’s will for all women to have children, clearly her thoughts were on future marriage.

Likewise, I see newly married couples in my church committed to serving the Lord. This is refreshing against the backdrop of our society. However, their endeavor for godly marriages will be tested as the world will muster all it can to throw at them.

As I think about these young people, I pray that they continue to have faith in the Lord and push against societal norms. It will take intentional efforts to halt the world’s demolition of marriage. Belief and application of God's Word will be paramount.

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Genesis 1:27

And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Genesis 2:18

Then Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

.Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds a good thing

And obtains favor from Yahweh.

Colossians 3:18-19

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

Peter 3:1-7

In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct with fear. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, not fearing any intimidation. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.